The Case of the Mice-Munched Motorcar

As with any family, ours had several unique Thanksgiving traditions. Men were not allowed in the kitchen. Vegan Vicki’s tofu turkey, adorably called a tofurkey, was placed in a separate room than the real bird, adorably called Sir Thomas Turkleworth, may he rest in succulent pieces. And instead of pumpkin pie, we ended the day with a delicious angel-food cake, alit with candles, to usher in the beginning of the Christmas season.

The only tradition I did not look forward to was being grilled about my love life by Uncle Ned, a man so pessimistic we called him No-It-All Ned.

“Ace,” he said, his skyscraping frame looming above me. “Let me guess: You’re no longer dating, um, what’s-her-name, are you?”

“No, Uncle, but thank you for casually bringing up an event that punctured my heart and sent me into a deep, dark, debilitating depression for months, causing me to seek the help of a professional psychiatrist.”

“You know what they say,” he added, ignoring my pain, “30 days hath September, April, June and all of Ace’s relationships.”

“Thirty days…I wish!” I said, trying to lighten the mood. But trying to lighten Ned’s mood with a joke was like trying to drain the ocean with a teaspoon.

“Do you know what your problem is, Ace?”

“I only have one? Great! I can’t wait to tell my shrink the good news!”

“You don’t take anything seriously,” Ned continued, shaking his head.

“That’s not true,” I shot back. “I take insurance very seriously.”

“But insurance is a joke!” he said with a fake laugh. A fake laugh was all he could muster nowadays. His last true laugh was back in 1992 when a fortune teller told him his life would be filled with

happiness and success. “Insurance is a joke, and I can prove it.”

“Try it, Uncle.” “I was storing the soft top of my Jeep in my shed during the winter. So the other day

I went out to fetch my leaf-blower from the aforementioned shed, and lo and behold, what did I see? A few mouse-sized holes in the soft top. Why would mice do that?”

“They’re still bitter for taking the rap for the bubonic plague.”

“I haven’t submitted the claim yet, but I just know my homeowners carrier will turn me down since the soft top is part of a car.”

“Smile Uncle, I’ve got some good, bad, and then more good news for you.”

Why was Ace taking his uncle on an emotional roller coaster?

Check your solution against Ace’s.