The Case of the Tenant’s Negligence

I’ve changed a lot since high school. Back then I was socially awkward, physically inept and grossly overweight. Now, I’m no longer overweight. So on my annual return home for Thanksgiving, I’ve always liked running into ex-classmates.

All it took was one trip to Walmart for an instant class reunion. First I ran into chess club Lou, whose aversion to showering earned him the nickname Louberger Cheese.

“Ace, it’s me, Lou! Do you remember me?”

“Pungent as always, Lou.”

And in the frozen food aisle I ran into Amy the cheerleader, who spoke to me for the very first time, saying, “Your cart is blocking the way.”

Later, the one classmate I didn’t want to see, Billy the bully, blindsided me in the sporting goods section with a surprise headlock.

“Ace,” he said, messing up my hair. “You look fantastic! It’s great to see you again!”

Fantastic? Great? Was I in Walmart or the Twilight Zone?

“Billy? Why are you being so nice to me?”

“I’ve changed, Ace. I’m a new man now, thanks to Maude, my wife.”

“Praise be to Maude.”

“I even have a reputable job now. I’m in insurance.”

“How does one go from bullying to insurance?”

“They’re more similar than you think,” he said. “I used to take people’s lunch money, and in return I didn’t beat them up. So they were effectively insuring their safety by paying me a daily premium.”

“It’s good to see that you’re now doing the right thing,” I said.

“I know a company that tried to do the right thing regarding a CGL claim, but it was derailed like Thomas the Tank Engine taking a corner too fast after a night of heavy boozing.”

“Spill it, Billy.”

“My client, the landlord of a building, rents out space to a tile company, where the employees often use a forklift.”

“Why is it called a forklift?” I said. “A fork typically has three prongs, while a forklift only has two. With two prongs, it should be called a chopstick-lift.”

“Which explains why it’s so difficult to eat rice with one. Anyway, while driving the forklift, the driver hit the building, causing damage. The owners of the tile company agreed they were responsible and turned in a claim to their CGL carrier, which denied it stating, ‘No coverage for property damage to property they own, rent or occupy.’ So why didn’t the CGL respond?”

“Billy,” I said, “I’ll tell you why, but it may get you all fired up.”

Why was Ace about to bully Billy with bad news?

Click here to check your solution against Ace’s.

Jonathan Hermann (hermannism@gmail.com) is an IA contributing editor.