EQ Over IQ

By: Casey Mulqueen

Studies show that emotional intelligence (EQ) competencies often account for the difference between star performers and average performers, particularly in positions of leadership. While EQ addresses how we perceive and understand our own emotions and the emotions of others, behavior emotional intelligence (BEQ) is the evolution of that awareness—our ability to use EQ to manage personal behavior and relationships. How can you employ BEQ?

Control your behavior by understanding your emotions. Learn and understand your emotional triggers—the things that result in losing behavioral control. Understanding emotions is important for learning how to manage your behavior.

Mentally rehearse common situations that set off your emotional triggers. Research shows that when you mentally rehearse scenarios, you are activating the same neural circuitry used when you are actually in the scenario. Develop a mental “movie” of yourself and clearly imagine yourself behaving in the ways you want. This will help prepare you for when these situations actually occur by giving you a script to follow.

Force your brain into action by solving a problem. If you are suddenly in a situation where you feel angry or frustrated, shift your focus from the other person or situation to a problem. Make the problem challenging. The point is to engage the brain region that solves problems, thereby preventing the emotional center of your brain from flooding the bloodstream with adrenalin and other stress hormones that cause strong emotional reactions.

When it comes to email, the “send” button is not your friend. Even if you think something you wrote sounds neutral, it might come off as offensive or rude. If you are feeling angry or frustrated when writing an email, it’s a red flag. Always wait at least 30 minutes before sending an email if you are upset.

Walk away from tense situations. If you are in an emotionally heated conversation, say, “I need time to think about this before I respond.” Not everything has to be dealt with immediately, especially if tempers are high. In these situations, the amygdala is in control of your mind. It takes time to calm down and for your prefrontal cortex to resume control of your thoughts and actions.

Casey Mulqueen is director of research & product development for TRACOM, a leadership development company.