The Case of the Magnified Mishap

A tiny tumbleweed rolled across my hardwood floor, followed by an eerie, spaghetti-western whistle. Both events unnerved me, since the tumbleweed meant I needed to sweep soon, and the whistle meant someone else was in my house…or in my head.

Either way, I quickly left my abode to find a bright December sun keeping the cold, crisp air at bay. Thinking about my barren hardwood floor, I decided to pop into The Lying Rug, a discount rug shop that’s been promoting an “Everything is 75% Off” close-out sale for three years.

Three steps inside I spotted Eileen, a woman I met at a toga party last year who at first seemed interested in me, but then treated me like a cannibal late for dinner and gave me the cold shoulder.

“Hi, Eileen. It’s me, Ace. Funny seeing you here.”

She looked me up and down like a carnival worker trying to guess my weight. “Ace, there is nothing funny about floor rugs.”

“That’s not true,” I said. “Look here. If you take this Oriental rug and spin it around and around, do you know what it becomes? Disoriental.”

She nodded and said, “I stand corrected.”

“Why, are you wearing orthopedic shoes?”

“Please stop, Ace. You don’t have to have a comeback for everything, unless of course you can help me with an insurance puzzler.”

“Spill it.”

“I was putting some laundry into my car when I accidentally placed a magnifying glass on the leather front seat.”

“Why did you have a magnifying glass on you?”

“I was reading the small print of my iPhone contract. Did you know that on page 487, it states your phone can legally electrocute you if you ask Siri if she’s ‘Siri-us’ more than 10 times a day? She can only take so many bad jokes!”

“But Siri laughs at all my jokes,” I said, suddenly fearing that icy voice I’ve grown to love.

“Anyway,” Eileen continued, “a few hours later I returned to my car to discover that the focused sunlight had burned a hole in the seat. So I turned the claim in, and the adjuster denied it! He said it did not fall within the policy’s definition of ‘accident.’ Am I allowed to leave banana peels all over my adjuster’s stairs to teach him the true definition of accident?”

“Eileen, accidents do happen, except when they shouldn’t.”

How would Ace magnify the adjuster’s erroneous logic?