The Case of the Bad BAPpers

My snooze button must be a sadomasochist: no matter how many times I punch it, it keeps coming back for more. This particular morning my knuckles were bruised after our morning boxing match. Finally I succumbed, stood somewhat upright and realized I was late for a dentist appointment. I had just enough time for either a shower or a coffee.

Five minutes later I stood in line at Starbucks. The clientele, as usual, consisted of the haves and the have-nots. The have-nots stood empty-handed in line, shoulders sloped, hair disheveled, trying to keep their feet shuffling in the right direction.

The haves, on the other hand, had their morning dose of caffeine. They held their sleeved cups of joe high like trophies, smiling as brightly as their brown-stained teeth could afford.

After what seemed like an eternity of have-nothing, I made it to the front of the line to find a spiky-haired barista named Marco.

“It must have been difficult for your mom, Marco, if she ever lost you at a crowded swimming pool,” I said. “Enough with the chit-chat. One tall coffee, please.”

A few seconds later, Marco pushed an iced green tea my way, turning to take another order. I quickly cut in front and said, “I ordered a coffee, black, like the eye I’ll give you if you get my order wrong again.” An under-caffeinated Ace was not to be trifled with.

“Just chill, old dude,” Marco replied. “I’m pretty sure you ordered a green tea.”

A pixie-cut woman in a grey power suit jumped to my aid and said with pointed index finger, “Listen, mack, he ordered coffee. The customer is always right—I should know. I’m an insurance agent, and my clients are always right, even when they’re wrong and I’m stuck covering their assets.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I’m in insurance, too. What’s all of this about your clients being wrong?”

“Well, my clients have several BAPs with scheduled vehicles owned individually by the corporate officers or family members who do not have personal auto policies. Obviously the best way to insure them is under a PAP; however, they continue to add individually-owned vehicles to the business auto polices to save on premiums, since some have young drivers or bad driving records. So all I have to do is add endorsements to cover the gaps and protect my office from E&O issues, right?”

“Lady,” I said, “that idea has more holes than all the cheese in Switzerland.”

Why was Ace not feeling good about these bad BAPpers?

Click here to check your solution against Ace’s.

Jonathan Hermann (hermannism@gmail.com) is an IA contributing editor.