10 Ways to Approach Difficult Conversations in the Workplace

Think of an uncomfortable situation you recently faced at your office. Did you move toward or away from the issue?

We understand that avoiding a problem doesn’t make it go away. So why do we run? Over the past 13 years, one of my greatest triumphs continues to be engaging in difficult conversations with my business clients—and helping them facilitate solutions for a better working environment with staff, peers, vendors, carriers and more.

Here are 10 simple rules to keep in mind when it’s time to have a difficult conversation:

1) If it’s constantly on your mind, you probably need to talk about it.

2) Solving the problem involves at least two perspectives in the conversation.

3) Ask yourself these questions:

• What’s my part?
• What seems to be the objective issue in this situation?
• How is this other party responsible, and what can I do to help them?
• What is the resolution to the matter at hand?
• What can we do to prevent this problem from arising again in the future?

4) Be clear and direct. Don’t beat around the bush. Let the other party know what you want to talk about, and that you care about not only finding a resolution to the problem, but also them as a person.

5) If you read or view anything online about the topic and plan to use it in your argument, make sure it suits your personality and manner of speaking. Using someone else’s words only makes your motive seem disingenuous.

6) Listen for the real issue underneath all the talking. Don’t let a simple “I’m so sorry” keep you from digging to the bottom of the issue—that opens the window for the same issue to resurface again and again.

7) Be empathetic and try to remain as objective as possible. Imagine yourself in the other person’s story. From your perspective, blame seems clear, but consider the contributions on both sides. Contribution is joint and interactive.

8) Drop your expectations, and hold yourself accountable.

9) Practice, practice, practice. Approaching anything new is like driving a manual transmission for the first time: You’ll grind gears and bump along at first, but soon you’ll be better at handling the tough challenges.

10) Check out a few useful books that tackle these concepts in greater depth:

• “Lifescripts: What to Say to Get What You Want in Life’s Toughest Situations” by Stephen Pollan and Mark Levine
• “When You Say Yes But Mean No: How Silencing Conflict Wrecks Relationships and Companies…and What You Can Do About It” by Leslie Perlow
• “Difficult Conversations” by the Harvard Business Review

It will be uncomfortable. You’ll be scared to say what you really think. You’ll worry it won’t go just like you planned in your rehearsals. But don’t be discouraged. Keep trying. Airing it out is worth the discomfort.

Brandie Hinen is the CEO of Powerhouse Learning, a coaching and training organization that helps organizations overcome difficult conflict in the workplace.